Demshitz Linguistics

You are warmly invited to the hospitality of Pucon Kayak Hostel. 

Demshitz Linguistics

Pucón, Chile

Yesterday the question was posed to Seiler brothers Graham and Jared what every young kayaker wants answered and the old school mysteriously question,

“Would you share the story of Demshitz Lexicon?”

Brown. Stout. Ball.  Whether you enjoy or despise hearing kayaking’s sub-culture language these words are part of this generation’s kayaking phenomenon.  As a coach of New River Academy junior huckers and owner of Pucon Kayak Hostel the language and gang-like signs flow endlessly through my doors and ears.

It’s a warm January morning in Pucon, Chile as kayak nomads roll into a favorite morning spot, Ecolé, for breakfast and Internet.  Names like Garcias, Seilers, Wrights (not brothers), Anton Immler and Jake Greenbaum are positioned around the room fixated as much to laptop screens as they are to their first cup of coffee.

Graham Seiler Brown Claws in front of the Pucon Kayak Hostel kayak stack.

It’s a candid conversation with Jared sitting to the left, Graham across the table and each of us eating crepes with yogurt, fruit and coffee as the conversation begins.

D Hughes-  Do you have a story that illustrates the beginning and evolution of Demshitz Lexicon?

Jared- Maybe our readers would understand it better if we used “linguistics” (vs lexicon).  We could do the brown story, the siphon story… uhhmmm.. stout, what other words do we use Ball?

(Jared addresses his brother as “Ball.”)

D Hughes- Keep thinking out loud.  (typing…) Brown or siphon story?

Jared- We are almost like a Sacha Baron (guy from Borat) cult.  I don’t know what it is about his humor but it’s funny.

Graham- Also, like Youtube videos influence our humor.  There’s the one where “Reporter Goes Ghetto” or something in three seconds.  “The Grape Lady.”  “Rackum Willie.”

Borat, Sacha Baron Cohen, illustrates the Brown Claw.

(Jared laughing) Yea.  We also use “hyrup” a lot.

D Hughes- Define hyrup.

Jared Seiler notches California's Royal Gorge.

Graham- It could be any kind of liquid.  Its the Andy Milnokis Show.  Jared and I grew up close to where all those Jackass guys grew up.  Westchester, “P” “A.”  Ryan Dunn and Bam Margera are from there.

D Hughes- You’ve been studying?

Jared- I guess we study the Internet and keep ourselves entertained.

Graham- Trying to keep yourself entertained on the road is a big part of us.  Like when we were travelling to Argentina last week we were listening to Adam Sandler old cds.  We’re trying to entertain ourselves all the time cause you can get so bored in the car.

Then there’s all the old school kayak vids.  The ones we liked the best were when they did the stupid stuff.  Like Dave Norrell’s video The Revloution.  Throwing up.  Acting Crazy.

Then there was Team C.  They weren’t that good (at kayaking) they just looked like they were having fun.  They use to do a hand sign on their chest for “C” too.  That was a little different than browning.

Jared- It’s cool to see kayaking movies showing more about what it really is, more than kayaking. Vs.  like Pirates of Caribbean music trying to make it look more dangerous than what it is.

Unknown Demshitz styles a Brown Claw.

Graham- When we met Dave (Fusili) we use to say “yinz” all the time.  That’s a “P” “A” thing.  And “ball” started, who was it that said that?

Jared-   Trice… he’s not a kayaker.

Graham- It’s kind of like when people would call someone “boss” we changed that into “balls” to see if people would notice.

Jared- Also in Philly people’d say “Young Bull.”  So, from boss to balls and bull to ball.  boss to balls to ball.  We could maybe talk about “Aids Drop.”

Graham- We can’t tell that.

Jared- Yea.  Your not suppose to talk about aids.  (Pause… thinking about sharing.)  But a lot of Demshitz use it on the river.

Graham- I think what made Brown Claw popular was, we  would brown in competition.  It was not worth any points but it was way harder to brown while looping.  Then they started scoring it.  That was funny.

Brown- refers to the Demshitz patented move “Brown Claw.”

Jared- Basically, it was just style points.  Yea. Any style you can bring to kayaking is.. You know slightly innovative.  Also, when when we would go off a drop that’s super easy we would Brown Claw.  Yea. Just to spice it up.  Or do unnecessary paddle tosses.  Our one buddy Isaac (Levinson) ran the whole Upper Yough with his legs out of boat.  Just to be funny and see if he could do it.

Graham- Maybe we should talk about the first time you, Dave and I ran the Royal Gorge.  We can put Shannon (Carrol) in there and how she started using the lingo.

Jared- Or we could talk about the Cochamo (coveted Chile paddle destination).  That’s when we first started using the lingo.

Graham- Then Kurt Casey started using the lingo.  People hate the lingo when they first hear it then they start use it.

D Hughes-  Who was there?

Graham- That was like the first time we met Fred (Norquist) too.

Jared- Kurt was kind of trip leading us and Cool Dave.  We ended up calling him “Brine Shrimp Dave” cause he shrimps Brine on the Great Salt Lake.  Mostly Toro was against it. He has his Euro style… been around for a while and thought we were out to lunch.

Graham- That’s another word we need to figure out. We had such a different style than Toro.  He’d wake up early and say,

“C’mon Demshitz get in the truck!”

Jared- He had a Ford ranger and we called it the “Brown Ranger.”  (It) Use to be called the “Mommacita” and we changed it to the Brown Ranger.

I don’t think he ever said a curse word in English until one day we were (not) motivating to go kayaking and he said,

“F…ing Demshitz is assholes… get in the f…ing Brown Ranger now!”

Graham- We were like, “He just said brown.”

Jared- Then on the river he did a “Shitzwheel.”  Casey really picked up on the brown (banter) and he got his kids to do it.

Graham- Then we made the “Brownclaw Facebook.”

Jared- Once you start using the word brown you realize how prevalent the word brown is.

Graham- Then it caught on with the brown ambassadors like (Matt) Fithian in Deep Creek and those boys at the Grand Prix, Johnnie (Myers) and Tyler (Bradt) said,

“If you want to be in Bombflow edit for the Grand Prix then you have to brown.”

Jared- Our buddy Connor (Finney) changed his fb to “Ball Demshitz.”

D Hughes- Back to the Cochamo.

Jared- Oh yea.  That’s where we did our first brown claw in a kayak.  We’d been running totally hard drops that were technical.

Graham- I was like, “Do you think you can brown that?”

Jared- So Graham went off the slide and at the disconnect browned it.  That’s how you complete the brown by landing with the brown upright still browning.

Graham- Well there’s two ways to brown.  You can brown in a playboat too.  Like when you do a loop.  Remember when Nate Mack went to the bar explaining what Demshitz did.

Jared- There’s the resurface brown when you plug and the brown comes up first.  When we first started doing it we were trying to invent a trick and we were like, “We’re pros now.”

Graham- And we were never as good as like the Jacksons.

Jared-  Like the McNasty, it’s so hard and it never looked cool when we did it.  We just got our faces full of water.  I think we called it something else.

Graham- DcNasty.

Jared- The McWankster.

Graham- Can you say that?

Jared-   You can say that.

Graham- It was almost like we were making fun of the play boat point system.

Jared- We hated the point system cause if you did a great McNasty or a sh$#ty one you got the same points and the judging was subjective, “Oh you didn’t’ do it at 45 degrees.”              (He smirks with his best Steve Erkle voice.)

Graham- We just wanted to make it funny.

Jared- So if we were going to do a McNasty and fall on our face we might as well do a “Hand Relief” to “Spider Man” to “Resurface Brown.”

Graham- (laughs) Good one.   It’s not about winning it’s about looking cool out there.

(Ian Garcia walks in.)

D Hughes- Hey Clay’s (Wright) staying at the hostel (Pucon Kayak Hostel) and said to ask when will his boat be in?  (Ian owns Rivers, Lakes and Oceans Chile’s only choice for whitewater gear.)

Ian- Next week.  I’ll go up (to Santiago) next week and deal with paperwork.

Jared- Yea.  We want to take Clay down the Middle (Palguin).  He was probably here before we were browning our zunders.

Graham- (LOL as he studies his Ipod) Remember when Connor use to say, “Gnar donkey.”

Jared- Then he’d be like, “Beeeyah!”   That didn’t stick.  But he kind of looks like a gnar donkey.

Graham-  (Confirming) With his face and his tooth.

Jared- Yeah he busted his face and lost his three front teeth and we called him, “Aids Grille.”  Then he got his face fixed and he’s not aids grille anymore.

Graham- Pat Keller named his dog, “Brown Dog.” He saved Brown Dog when he fell into M-wave.  Jumped in after him… it was a big deal.

Jared- (Jared begins looking online for the Pat quote about brown) This kid Austin Rathmann is one of the biggest brown haters.

Graham- A lot of people hating on brown claw cause they think only Demshitz can do it.  But anyone can brown.

Anyone can be a Demshitz. That’s what it’s all about… we love paddling with intermediates.  That’s what the sport is all about, you got to stoke the locals and have fun with it.” – Jared Seiler

Graham- Did you find that picture yet ball?

Jared- Trying to find it.

Graham- Did he tag brown in it? Send Dave the link.

Jared- Nico’s (Buenventura… super cool name) ready.  Let’s try to get on this before noon.

Graham- I need to pay Ball.

You might also enjoy:

The Brown Room

Evan Garcia Teaches Brown Claw to High School

Dodging Metro Brown at 70 MPH

 By David Hughes

Owner Pucon Kayak Hostel

Director New River Academy

Content Media Specialist Colorado Kayak Supply

You are warmly invited to the hospitality of Pucon Kayak Hostel.